FAMILY COURT ADVOCATE CONQUERS THE DIVIDE

WRITTEN BY SHARMILA VENKATASUBBAN

Ex-husbands, ex-wives, relatives of all sorts count on Denise Simpson to help them get justice after a divorce. Photo: Blaine Stiger

Denise Simpson tells the same story every Thursday at the parenting support group she runs: the one about the 37-year-old kid, the oldest in Pennsylvania, who still collects child support from her father.

"That's me, you better believe it," she says with a boisterous laugh. "I'm getting back every penny. But it's not about the money."

In fact, tracking down her father, who had been sued by her mother throughout Simpson's childhood because he shirked payments, was the first thing Simpson did when she figured out how family court actually worked.

"As long as there's a court order filed before the child turns 18 years old, there is no statute of limitations on child support," Simpson explains. "But a lot of people don't know that."

In fact, there's a lot parents don't know when it comes to family court, insists Simpson, president of Cooperative Parenting for Divided Families (CPDF), a non-profit organization that helps separated couples parent together and disseminates information on family law. This lack of knowledge is the root of most conflicts, she adds.

"I don't remember when it happened," she says, "but somewhere along the line I realized that someone had to take responsibility."

And so she did. With a paralegal degree and a B.A. in legal studies, Simpson became a family advocate, counselor, educator, friend and shoulder to many Pittsburghers faced with the task of finding the means with which to support and sustain healthy families. She advises parents on how to best solve their custody, alimony, divorce, paternity or visitation issues -- not as an attorney (which she's legally prohibited from doing) but as an educator. Many believe she does the job most attorneys fail to do.

One grandmother (who prefers to remain anonymous) in the midst of a custody battle with her son-in-law over her granddaughter refers to Simpson as a "guardian angel" who illuminated her rights -- something her own lawyer didn't do. Going to Family Division was also useless: No one took the time to really explain her options, she says.

"That father never made any effort to take the child until now," says Simpson. "Now he wants to take her back as if she's a pop bottle or something." Simpson provided the grandmother, who has cared for the child since birth, with the necessary forms to file for confirmation of custody. Before this woman met Simpson, she didn't even know what the term meant. Simpson has amazing recall of specific instances in which families have been slighted by the system as well as details of federal legislation, the history of that legislation, whom to call in the Family Division for individual issues and whether or not a particular judge checks his own mail.

A lot of that knowledge comes from years of education.

"I live co-parenting," she stresses. "And I've spent entire days in Family Court. But don't take my word -- go there. It's an eye opener to life, it really is."

There are fathers who have partial custody rights but are still unable to see their kids; parents who evade child support because the court can't seem to find them although the co-parent has the address in hand; people who wait in Family Division all day to leave with no information; people who simply can't find or figure out what forms they need; and parents who have child support checks waiting for them but, because of inefficient bureaucracy, are unable to receive them for weeks on end.

"Those parents can't pay rent or buy food," laments Simpson. "And we wonder why they can't take care of their kids. Don't get me wrong -- I want parents to own up, but they need help."
 
 

It's obvious from the turnout at this past Thursday's parenting support group meeting that Simpson is not just a vessel of information for the parents who attend; they come every week to see her face. Kids, fathers, mothers and grandparents give her hugs and gifts, and when she speaks not a soul blinks. For these people, she is an entire system of support that most government agencies couldn't possibly be. She is so steadfast in her concern for children and in her personal belief system that most come to depend on her even when their own confidence wavers.

"You have to be legally or morally responsible for your kids," she says. "If you aren't morally responsible, then I'll make you legally responsible." This has been her task and, thus far, she's been successful enough to make a dent.

The vast majority of her "clients" are fathers whom the system and the public believe too often to be negligent when it comes to their own children. But Simpson knows -- or at least has taken the time to know -- that their stories are more complicated than that.

"Most 'deadbeat' dads are just dead broke," she insists. "They want to be a part of their children's lives but they don't have the money to pay. So they're afraid."

She helps these fathers communicate with their former spouses and kids and then finds ways in which they can be parents, not just weekend visitors.

"I believe every parent has the right to see their kids," she says -- "not just to see but to be a part of their lives."